“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom” - Anaïs Nin
Pleasure IS self-care. When we think of self care we usually think of going to the spa, getting a massage… but loving and connecting with our bodies sensually can be transformative. As a woman, when you connect with your sex center you bring alignment into your whole being. It’s the source of so much creative energy.
Develop a relationship with yourself. Dedicate attention to learning how to love and respect your whole body. Create a safe and beautiful space for sex, allowing the whole self to relax and feel comfort and pleasure.
Pleasure isn’t just beautiful, it’s healthy. Science says: orgasms induce relaxation, improve circulation, increase fertility, promote healthy estrogen levels, promote detoxification by way of lymphatic drainage, and increase oxytocin. Orgasms elevate pain thresholds and can boost immunity. And, orgasms keep you looking young! Yes, science says so.
“Yoni” means “sacred temple” and refers to the vulva, vagina and womb; not only for creating physical life, but for the birth of ideas and all creativity. Our sex center can hold so much feeling, including tension, trauma, stress, and shame. Like every part of our being, it needs care and attention. You totally know it can carry residual energy and wounds from past intimacy. Am I wrong?
Giving awareness to your sex center can help you learn how and when to open. It’s a reminder of what feels good, increasing sensitivity and awareness. Remember that your body is like a flower. It can’t be forced to open. Nurture and love yourself so you can blossom.
Your incredible body can help you connect with your own power. Your sexual energy can help you manifest and magnetize what you yearn for. It can help you bring your full presence to any experience. Use your erotic energy to give you power, to radiate light and love, and use your whole heart in everything you do.
Remember, it’s only when you feel wholly fulfilled that you can be your absolute best.
Feeling fulfilled can come from self-pleasure alone, or from sex with a partner.
But… Sex Hurts!
Do you experience pain during penetrative sex? So do I, and we are not alone. Many women, due to past trauma or just our unique anatomy, experience involuntary spasm in the muscles around the vagina. This is often due to anxiety or fear of painful sex. It could stem from the belief that sex is wrong or shameful, or it may be caused by traumatic early childhood experiences (not necessarily sexual in nature). Other causes include:
-Fear of losing control
-Not trusting one’s partner
-Self-consciousness about body image
-Past sexual abuse, sexual assault, or attempted sexual abuse or assault
-Misconceptions about sex or unattainable sexual standards from pornography or even exaggerated sexual beliefs like abstinence
-Fear of vagina not being wide or deep enough / fear of partner’s penis being too large
-Undiscovered or denied sexuality / repressed urges
REGARDLESS of the cause(s), it’s not a symptom you have to live with if you don’t want to. While physical therapy is an option that works for lots of women, what I’ve found be the most effective is actually getting to know and trust my body.
Learning to Open
Make pleasure a habit. Take time for self-love to develop a thorough understanding of your body’s reactions and responses. You can do this alone or with someone you trust. Use healing mineral objects like yoni eggs or massage wands to train your muscles to relax voluntarily when facing penetration.
Bring these crystal objects to body-temperature. Introduce them to your womb space by laying them on your belly, then focus on filling them with love and intention. Note your emotional response. Do you feel excitement or do you feel anxiety or fear? Respect your body’s needs and only do what makes you feel great.
Take time to acknowledge your responses. Breathe deeply, bringing awareness to all parts by feeling and visualizing internally with each breath. Notice the sensation that each breath brings. Pain is often our bodies sending us a message. Acknowledge sources of pain or tension. With each breath, focus on areas of discomfort or anxiety to help begin a process of release. If you feel only pleasure, go with it.
If you have fears or self-esteem misconceptions, try to locate their root cause, or identify the feeling that caused them even if the actual memory is blocked. If you have past trauma, face it only in ways that feel safe and healthy for you, such as journaling, meditating, or talking to a counselor.
Do your best to accept your dark side along with your light, and acknowledge the feelings and memories you hide in your shadows or subconscious. Forgive yourself for past mistakes and treat your body with love. And be aware of how you treat yourself and those around you. Take responsibility for making healthy choices.
Sometimes you just need to psychologically give yourself “permission” to open. Other times, if we are unable to relax enough to enjoy painless penetrative sex, it may be our bodies telling us that we have unresolved issues in our current relationship or that our partner may not be right for us. I encourage you to love yourself and respect yourself enough to consciously choose who you share your energy with.
Learn what is safe and right for you, and communicate your needs openly. Set aside your fear of rejection and state your needs and feelings honestly. Do your best to live authentically by ensuring your actions and behaviors match what you feel or want internally.
Explain your desires and have open dialogue with those you are close to. Create environments that support emotional availability. All this develops good communication habits to help you not just with great sex, but with all of life’s challenges.
You Know You Are Divine
You are a sensual being. You connect with the divine when you know your true eroticism and live it daily according to your dreams and individual circumstances. Through ritual and through cultivating the development of your physical, emotional and intellectual self, you can know your truth, both spiritual and sensual.
What are ways you use the incredible female power within your body?
How has pleasure transformed you and those around you?